It's Not You, It's Me by Camilla Sacre-Dallerup

Author:Camilla Sacre-Dallerup
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
ISBN: 9781786783387
Publisher: Watkins Media
Published: 2019-01-16T16:00:00+00:00

Catherine’s story

“I came to Camilla for guidance because I had just come out of a controlling relationship. I was feeling lonely and struggling to communicate with my mum. All I ever wanted was for her to understand where I was coming from, to actually truly see me and hear me and for her to take responsibility for her actions and behaviours. Although I had had a fairly loving childhood, it often felt conditional – my mum was quite controlling, selfish and she loved to judge everyone and everything. She was completely unaware of her behaviour and how it affected the people around her, especially me, and if I ever brought it up she would get mad and never admit or even consider that she was in the wrong. Our relationship was tiring.

As much as I disliked her behaviour, at the age of 35 I found myself in a relationship that was starting to feel very much like the one I had with my mum – my partner was controlling and a narcissist. One day I woke up and thought “NO MORE”, something has to change. I simply couldn’t take this kind of behaviour any longer. I felt emotionally beaten down. That was the moment I walked out of the relationship and started my soul-searching journey.

Through Camilla’s coaching and the tools she gave me, I became more and more aware of how in control I was of my own emotions and behaviour and how I could choose how much I let my mum’s or anyone else’s behaviour affect me. I started to accept that I could not change my mum nor did I want to (well maybe a little at first), and instead I focused on how I reacted and communicated in relationships like this. It made situations that used to be super uncomfortable more comfortable for me. What this healing time taught me was that a person can’t change an issue they are unaware of. You have to accept that no one is going to change unless they are ready to do so and you cannot change anyone and neither is it your job to do so. Even if you try to make them aware, unless they are willing and ready to see it or hear it, there is nothing you can do but accept them as they are and then of course it’s up to you whether you want to keep the relationship.

As I became more mindful and calmer, I started to approach conversations with my mum differently. At times she still makes me feel slightly frustrated, but ultimately I know that she cannot really disturb my inner peace unless I allow her to, and that makes it so much easier to communicate. Setting some much-needed boundaries in our relationship really supported me too. The acceptance also really helped me in managing my expectations, because I have realized that she can only give love the way she knows it and not the way I need it or would like it.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.